I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
