I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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