What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
