Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize