just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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