so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
