so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
