Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
