so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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