Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize