I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They took my balls.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
