I don't think brook has ever known best
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
