hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
