sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
