Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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