my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
