I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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