Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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