Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
