I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
