i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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