Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
