I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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