Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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