I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
