He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
