I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
