God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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