nut hugger
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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