sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
