Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
