he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
