he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
