I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
