I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
