Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish I only lived at night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
