I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
