miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
