I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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