It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's never too late to be topless.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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