Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
