Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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