my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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