I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
kristin has been a bad kristin
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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