If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
