Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
