Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
