I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
