He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
