this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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