that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
