I think im going to throw up on grandma
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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