Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
