Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
