i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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