you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
