Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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