3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
did i just pee glitter
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
