i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
