dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
