felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
