I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
