The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
