i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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