You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
