I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
